#55 How I Became a Slut to Heal Myself with Mika

00:00:05: You can't talk about your sex life openly without

00:00:08: being judged.

00:00:09: I read the book in one weekend because i really liked it, they are so

00:00:12: spicy stories!

00:00:14: It felt good and much more liberated.

00:00:31: Hello welcome to a new episode of Sex in Berlin And Im happy that you have a wonderful young author here The author of Slut Theory A wonderful book which I read in One Weekend And I totally loved it.

00:00:45: Hi Mika

00:00:47: Thank you so much.

00:00:49: Very, very nice to have you here because I think i already knew You So Much Because I read so many like very intimate details and stories from You but actually we never met.

00:01:01: Where are you in the moment?

00:01:02: I am in Indonesia at The Moment since two days!

00:01:05: So you're traveling a lot.

00:01:07: Yes...I'm travelling recently quite A bit.

00:01:10: So Mika..you are travelling And your also an author.

00:01:13: How do you write & wear ?

00:01:15: Well Slut theory was written on the U-bands back home from all of my dates.

00:01:23: Or somewhere at three or four

00:01:25: a.m.,

00:01:25: when I could just not sleep and the folds would rush in my head, so that's why i had to take them out somehow!

00:01:30: So it doesn't really matter for me anyway... And

00:01:33: you were journaling a lot?

00:01:35: I read about this book as well but also heard already by you.

00:01:38: Yes, so the book is basically my journals.

00:01:41: I just collected the main ones that took my end point to the clearest and i just collected all of them into the book.

00:01:51: but they are all my journals that were written in real time.

00:01:56: For

00:01:56: everyone who hasn't yet read this wonderful book maybe you can read a little for us That we can all start together inside your wonderful stories.

00:02:05: So Maybe You Can Read Something From The Beginning Nika.

00:02:08: Yes, I would love that.

00:02:09: I guess i will start with the intro because then you'll get more of an idea about what it is without being scared Because some topics in this book feel like if we get a slap And um...I will start slow!

00:02:26: I want to see poor things this weekend Where Emma Stone plays The Woman I've always wanted To Be This woman Bella Is As Far From As I Am As It Gets.

00:02:37: She's strong, independent and never afraid to speak her mind.

00:02:40: And leave her truth Never Afraid To Put Her Needs Before Anyone Else's.

00:02:46: She doesn't care what society wants her do or how she should behave.

00:02:51: Born Only a few months ago, in a grown woman's body Bella didn't live long enough to accept the rules that society imposes on women.

00:03:00: You have to marry you can't fuck anyone... ...you want and then expect to be loved….

00:03:05: …you can't talk about your sex life openly without being judged!

00:03:09: You can't be a sex worker AND A SMART WOMEN and at the same time.. ..You CAN'T BE A SEX WORKER WITHOUT BEING ASSHAMED OF IT!

00:03:16: YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR OWN CHOICES WITHOUT CONSULTING WITH YOUR MAN or any man whatsoever.

00:03:22: Bella sees the world through new eyes, she does not accept the bullshit rules that take control of her decisions even when everyone around her tries to control her.

00:03:31: She is running after her own pleasure and it's the most wonderful thing a woman could do for herself unlike The rest of us...she Is a woman who did not inherit any trauma or shame from this world Unlike Us!

00:03:45: She is free-to think outside the box and not worry about other people's opinions of her own life.

00:03:52: And like Bella, I was thought to be ashamed of who i am... ...and what do if it is outside the norms of society?

00:04:00: If had a tiny atomic-sized Bella inside my brain, Society taught me that I have to kill her!

00:04:07: Like Bella,I was fed shame for breakfast.

00:04:10: Most these feasts were fed.

00:04:12: while growing up They became core memories Memories that are the pillars of who I grew into, they're the pillars for a person i'm constantly trying to kill because... ...I don't like who she is and how he acts.

00:04:27: And I fight her on daily basis.

00:04:31: So this part of the intro.. I start with very big comparison realized that there is another way.

00:04:41: There's a way where women can actually do whatever she wants and not think of what society expects her to.

00:04:49: because I grew up in Eastern Europe, in a society were...I had to behave certain ways just like everyone around me.

00:04:58: because i am woman I had to be ashamed every time i did something different.

00:05:02: Everyone would say, what your friends and parents said?

00:05:06: What anyone who knows you will say about that?

00:05:10: You always have to think of it before doing anything which meant my sexuality was not mine really because... well..what other people thought if they went with this guy home today?

00:05:22: And seeing Bella Acting just wild and crazy, doing whatever she really wants felt like this was so liberating.

00:05:31: This is so nice!

00:05:33: And I wish more people did

00:05:34: that.".

00:05:35: So Mika what's the main message you want to get out with your book?

00:05:42: So while I talk a lot about sexuality, body empowerment.

00:05:47: About women not being ashamed of their desire... ...I also talked alot about sexual abuse.

00:05:53: so all together.

00:05:55: my point that i want to make it with this book is that we should NOT feel ashamed Of things that happened with us To US rather And That We Should Just Listen Our Body Without Feeling Ashamed Of What People Might Think.

00:06:12: So I just wish that we lived in a world where less and less shame had power over us.

00:06:18: Mika, i told you that i read the book one weekend because i really liked it.

00:06:22: they are so spicy stories.

00:06:24: there is a deeper meaning behind which i like but its also very sexy.

00:06:30: this mixture for me not totally new like so many sex stories, and then this big subline.

00:06:36: And also heavy themes like sexual abuse all in one text.

00:06:41: I really appreciate but you named it slut.

00:06:46: what are the common misunderstandings about the book?

00:06:49: What do people maybe misunderstand when they read the title slot?

00:06:53: yes thank you so much for your mention on different topics.

00:06:58: i think these goes well with why the book is named like that, because most of the time if you want to read something sexual.

00:07:05: You get a smart book which is basically a story that talks about sex Most Of The Time.

00:07:10: or If You Want Something More Therapeutic Maybe?

00:07:13: You Get A Self-Help Book.

00:07:15: I mix absolutely everything into slut theory Because life Is Not One Or The Other.

00:07:20: Life Is Everything And Everything That Happens In Between These Big Moments As Well.

00:07:26: This Is Why I Put It All Together.

00:07:27: Why Slut Theory?

00:07:31: The title came when the book was already finished.

00:07:34: I had no idea what i was going to name it, but I knew that I wanted a book looking very soft.

00:07:40: so I wanted pink, a very soft feminine pink and also I want a punchy name.

00:07:45: And then at the end of this video Whenever I'm afraid of something, I actually go and do it.

00:08:19: Mika, can you give us an example of a story?

00:08:21: Maybe you want to read the juicy part about how stories are written.

00:08:25: It's interesting for me to really understand what you wrote.

00:08:28: Yes!

00:08:29: Of course This is a story from almost sex party on May the twelfth of May twenty-twenty four.

00:08:38: From across the room A man sitting on his couch kept stilling glances at him Smirking, winking and watching.

00:08:46: We exchanged a few words, but I was always in the middle of another conversation.

00:08:50: Another moment unable to properly interact with him.

00:08:53: way too many people then at all muscular Colombian sat next To me.

00:08:57: he was stunning mid-conversation.

00:09:00: He suddenly stops looks eyes with me and tells Me you're very cute?

00:09:04: I say thanks But he still stares at me.

00:09:07: his gaze seemed hungry searching.

00:09:10: just go for it i whisper.

00:09:12: He did not hesitate.

00:09:14: His lips crushed into mine, full and eager!

00:09:17: The kiss lasted long enough – just long enough for both of us to know that we needed get out from the room.

00:09:23: We stood up and slipped away in a bathroom.

00:09:26: The bathroom was very spacious but I thought it wasn't convenient because nothing is high or strong enough to hold me inside.

00:09:34: Inside were still fully dressed But our hands explored each other like we've been waiting all this moment.

00:09:41: He grabbed my ass with a firm grip and asked if he could spank me.

00:09:46: I nodded, but he did not hold back And after every sound of his big hand touching my ass, he'd make a... Damn!

00:09:54: I'm getting hornier sound.

00:09:56: You're such a good slut –I love it–and I love spanking you.

00:10:00: Are you a good slat?

00:10:01: He's asking Me I am the best slut Good girl…And is there anything else that would like to be called?

00:10:08: Other words or Do you call me daddy or master?

00:10:13: No, I don't have any preferences.

00:10:15: Slut and good girl work for me.

00:10:17: Daddy & Master Don't really do it For Me.

00:10:20: Oh that's a pity.

00:10:21: he tells me Why ?

00:10:23: Do You like It?

00:10:24: If its a deal breaker i can make an exception today because im insanely horny.

00:10:29: Daddy would be nice.

00:10:30: He says Okay Daddy!

00:10:32: Im A Very Bad Slut !

00:10:34: I think you'd Have to Punish ME for That !

00:10:36: I Smirked Playing Along And Being Surprised By My Own Being.

00:10:40: Another couple of slabs came my way, making his breath heavier and heavier.

00:10:44: And ending with his groaning in a very sexy voice.

00:10:48: Good girl!

00:10:50: We sank to the floor – me on my force while he's on his knees since using hands to slap me and hold my ass whilst burying its face in it kiss-it Then turned around, lifted into feet and slipped fingers inside panties.

00:11:07: my body welcomed him like an honorable guest.

00:11:11: My pussy was a waterfall and I couldn't wait for that touch!

00:11:15: I was so horny, that my pussy felt she's fighting the life of me And when he finally put his fingers inside of me She could take a breath, bloom...and relax.

00:11:27: It was like Berliners finally seeing the sun after long winter and my pussy did have a long winter.

00:11:35: Wow you're so wet You're such a bad slut.

00:11:38: I am, and I think have to be punished with another

00:11:41: slap.".

00:11:42: He slaps my face.

00:11:44: What are you doing?

00:11:45: No!

00:11:46: We agreed to ask before we do something.

00:11:48: My face is totally out of the game.

00:11:51: Don't you dare do that again Off limits...I say quite angry I'm sorry…you asked for it.

00:11:58: That's what you wanted – you asked me to be slapped On my ass.

00:12:03: Oh..You just said Slap not Spank.

00:12:07: I exhaled sharply.

00:12:08: Dammit, second language problems!

00:12:11: He kissed me in apology and within seconds i was back in the mood.

00:12:15: In The End it Was My Mistake.

00:12:18: When I reached for his trousers he stopped to be gentle.

00:12:22: I was circumcised recently.

00:12:25: I grabbed his dick with utmost attention and started stroking gently after licking my hand a few times creating eye contact then losing myself.

00:12:34: As our lips crashed together again, we were lost in each other drowning in heat and need.

00:12:41: We were jerking off at one another and kissing each other very firstly.

00:12:45: he then turned me around pressing my body against the sink asks if you can go inside of him and puts a condom.

00:12:53: I am scared for him because still has these stitches on his penis.

00:12:57: He is having STITCHES!

00:13:00: This cant be good...I guess it won't be the most pleasant moment going inside especially that he's so big.

00:13:07: I guess, i will post this story for now but it gives a pretty good insight into the way i write my stories is everything that happens in my head...everything that happens IN THE ROOM and to MY BODY as well as CONVERSATIONS!

00:13:23: What changed for you personally through the process of writing the book?

00:13:27: Like how did YOU change as person while writing & also publishing

00:13:31: it?!

00:13:32: While writing it, I realized that i started to be more present.

00:13:54: This is something I want.

00:14:01: Maybe this is why i started to feel more present so whenever something would happen,I'd fill it with my whole body and be there mind & body.

00:14:08: The process of publishing was quite cathartic.

00:14:12: I felt like...I was so nervous, i was so afraid especially for the fifth chapter even on the last day when i was about to send the book to printing because i already had a date for the launch date but the book wasn't even closed.

00:14:30: So i had to speed up and still not sure do i print this with the whole chapter or no?

00:14:36: Finally did!

00:14:37: But i was incredibly worried and nervous.

00:14:41: What would people think?

00:14:42: Of course, I still have shame in me.

00:14:45: And once it came out and people started to read it and also give me feedback... ...I felt so good!

00:14:50: I feel much more liberated like okay finally did.

00:14:54: this does not hold back anymore.. ..and i hope that more people are able to overcome these just by By sharing it, by not letting it hold so much power over our minds and brains.

00:15:09: Mika

00:15:10: thank you very much for this wonderful book And your wonderful reading.

00:15:14: What are the next things coming from?

00:15:17: Are you planning on a new book or make readings?

00:15:20: what is the next Mika idea?

00:15:25: So I always journaled and probably will.

00:15:29: Since I published a book, I had very nice tour around the world.

00:15:34: Not all of it.

00:15:36: As planned in a van.

00:15:38: so i lived for one year traveling from Berlin to Iran Central Asia and then coming back home through Russia and Baltics.

00:15:48: Obviously, I do have all the journals of The Trip.

00:15:50: So if i get to put them together at one point it would be a book about living in a van and traveling the world.

00:15:57: so It will be different but still very sexual.

00:16:00: Mika Do you have nice ending points which we want to read for us?

00:16:05: Like what is this lat theory?

00:16:07: Maybe You Have like A few Sentences from the Book About This.

00:16:12: Yes Last night After not being able to sleep, I realized how i have a pattern in dealing with my traumas.

00:16:21: For many of us when something happens to us we put up many fences around that event in our heads so that we can be protected from every little thing remotely close to the traumatic event.

00:16:32: however this limits so many of our experiences.

00:16:35: let's say you almost drown once.

00:16:37: some people would associate deep waters with droning and would stay away from it, limiting their vacations and experiences for quite some time if not the whole lives.

00:16:47: I deal with trauma differently but didn't realize until recently.

00:16:51: I dive into breaking defenses around it making less significant things connected to what traumatized my mind and body.

00:16:59: taking away power they hold over me almost drowned in ocean mild panic attack in between, then I go even further and go diving.

00:17:15: Then I swim into the sea without a life jacket one step at time.

00:17:18: but i don't let it hold me back...I try to make it hold less power over me.

00:17:23: I eat anything bad Indian food!

00:17:25: Then pick India's our winter break from our vanlife because I do not like having limits.. I get sexually abused.

00:17:31: instead of staying away from sex , I test my own theory & become a slut.

00:17:36: I fuck as much as get the opportunity until i find my pleasure, my likes.

00:17:41: Until I love sex and it has nothing to do...almost nothing with experiences like a child…I dive into it taking back my power.. I didn't start on purpose not consciously at least.

00:17:54: Not some planned escape from what was behind me.

00:17:58: No!

00:17:58: It just happened gradually.

00:18:00: The more experiences & new things tried ,the further got from that And the more realized helped And along the way I discovered that liberation, it's only about pushing boundaries outward.

00:18:11: Mika thank you very much!

00:18:13: i think you pushed boundaries with your book and inspired me... ...and i really hope others will also be inspired of your wonderful novel or collection of these stories.

00:18:23: so The Slap Theory is for me a nice book this summer.

00:18:29: And thank you very much for this very nice interview, Mika.

00:18:32: Thank you so much Niki!

00:18:34: It was lovely chatting with you again also thanks to your nice words.

00:18:38: it really means a lot to me.

00:18:39: I love hearing feedback from people that read my book and most of them say they read in a few days...

00:18:45: Thank You have a lovely day!